The speed stops

The birds are flying fast
Other creatures too are running fast
May I ask you a question
By moving so what's your intention?

The family is no more important
Gathering paper pieces and coins are important
Hear the cries of your little one
Not for food or luxury but for attention

The craze for is never ending
Have enough, still wanting
The sun rises giving hope
But do you see sun? nope

Towards the last breathing moment
Living as if never will face this event.
But all of a sudden the air in stops
Hey creature for what this haste..one day all stops.

---GOANZ

A wanderers quest

Oh people of the earth,
Let me ask you few questions,
In this beautiful natural beauty,
The natural garden of god.
Will humankind get a new birth after death?
Is there any one on earth who have died naturally
A death saying he has no regrets of dying,
A death saying he has died after living full satisfied life….
Hey god of gods….
Hail to you for your mystery
The biggest mystery…. Life
Each day unfolds new mystery…
Living sometimes has no meaning….
Living sometimes is too meaningful…
Why the earth is so arrogant.
Why we cannot see humanity
What is the truth…?
Why am I on this earth???
Why I am wandering solving mysteries?
The questions increases day by day……..

Goanz....

Mountain women

The day has subsided, the dark night covered,

In the dark a beautiful women sitting in her hut

The beautiful woman in the high hill,

In the thick forest, waiting for her husband.

As the darkness gets darker in to the night,

A worry does cover her beautiful face,

But a hope has she kept in her heart,

Without even drinking water, entering into night.

A smile suddenly comes to her beautiful swollen lips,

As she sees her dear one climbing the hill.

The crave for him is immense now,

Cannot wait to get hugged by him.

The hug she waited was fulfilled,

As he took her into his warm arms.

Tears rolled by her cheeks,

The happy tears down the cheeks.

The beautiful eyes with brown pupil,

Though the eyes are still wet tells him all.

The wait through out the day is over,

And just waiting for her dear to talk.

--GOANZ

Unfinished journey

A new family came to stay at our neighborhood. They had only one teen daughter. Studying in std 9^th. Her name was Sneha. Parents were well to do. Husband working for an Engineering company as General Manager and wife working for a bank.

As far as my knowledge goes they were happy family. I always see husband and wife go around shopping or any beaches together. But one thing I had noticed that they seldom took their daughter out with them.

Well that’s their personal matter and we were not that close to know the matter closely. From our neighborhood two children used to come often to my home for solving difficulties. I was never charging them any money. I reach home from work at around 5:30 pm and am with my family. Then these two children studying in standard 8^th would come to solve any difficulties sometimes.

As far as I am concerned, I am happy with my family. My wife is a housewife and got a 5 year old son. Who is studying in std 1^st. I used to see sneha many a times. She rarely smiled. I used to think Bade baap ki beti. Never even greets any one.

One fine day her mother was talking to my wife and she came to know that I was helping some children in the neighborhood to solve difficulties. So she through my wife requested me to help sneha in her difficulties. At first I was not ready because, already Sneha was going for tuitions. This would be an extra burden on her. Then after much request from my wife I said ok.

The next day evening at around 6:30 pm Sneha came to our house for tuitions. She had brought her science book with her. I found her to be a brilliant student. She was having good knowledge of the subject. But during the interaction I understood that she was a quiet girl, non friendly in nature. Any way that’s not my concern, I thought.

Everyday Sneha would come and I used to help her solve few difficulties. One day I asked her why she needed to come here. She was already good at her studies. Then she replied that it’s her parents wish. They want her to become doctor, so stressing more on her studies.

Slowly day by day she became comfortable with me and my wife. She started to speak more now. Since she used to speak very little I used to tease her as mystery girl. One fine day as I was helping her in maths she started crying. Even I was shocked. I never said anything that day. Then why should she cry. I was not getting the reason. My wife too was shocked. Asked her what was the matter? I told my wife to let her cry for sometime and calm by herself. Then she stopped crying and told me “Today is my birthday. My parents gave me the gift in the morning and went away. Never asked me whether I need anything to give to my classmates. In the evening too they are not bothered. They don’t like me. I am bad girl.” I was also sad to hear that. I said “May be your parents had tough day today”. She again said “Everyday is tough day for them” and started crying.

I calmed her and told her not to worry. Be happy with your friends. To which she replied that her parents were not very happy that Sneha has any friends. So I don’t have any best friend. My wife gave her sweets and we both greeted her for her birthday. Then she left for her home.

But that made me understand the reserved nature of Sneha. I understood what is going wrong. Parenting this way is really harmful. I and my wife decided that Sneha needs friend and we both will be best friends to her.

From next day our approach towards Sneha changed. We were very warm to her. I knew that she was good at studies so there was no need for me to repeat everything what she learns at school as well as tuitions. Now she was willingly open to us. She would share her school incidence to us. Any other matter would be discussed by my wife. Slowly I was becoming her father and my wife her mother.

She started scoring better marks. Always her parents shouted at her though she was the highest in the class. I always wanted to have a discussion with her parents One day I just started by saying that Sneha is good at studies to which her Father replied” But the marks aren’t that good. She needs to improve a lot if she has to become a doctor.

So I thought that there was no need to discuss further. Their approach to their child is not friendly. They believe that their daughter should be the way they want. I felt very pity for her. But I knew myself and my wife together can swing her back to colorful life.

She started participating for sports event. She was selected for March past. But her parents did not willingly approve. Sad part was that they said they won’t attend the sports day as they are busy with their office works.

So she came to me and said to me to come for the sports day. I took a leave. With my wife and son we went to see her sports day. It was lovely and I was thrilled to see Sneha happy. She was enjoying the event. After her march past she came to us and embraced me and my wife. She said thanks for coming and started crying. Tears also rolled out from my eyes. The situation was that we have replaced her parents. Her parents never considered the plight of their child. In fact they had only one child and they should have been the support and love for her, but its all opposite. That day she enjoyed our company and when she was getting back to home her face slowly dropped. She was again bit sad. I asked why she was sad to which she replied “My parents will not be happy that I took part in sports event. Also won’t hear what I have to say. They never listen to my grievances. I am their enemy. I am bad girl that is the reason they dislike me.

Now how many times I have to tell her that though they do not show love to their child, they have immense love in heart. She was never feeling comfortable at her own house. That was the tragedy.

One day I told my wife to get closer to Sneha’s mother and know the fact. As per my instruction, my wife one day had long discussion and from the discussion we found that they were expecting a son and a girl was born to them. Also that they did not go for a second child because her husband was afraid that if the second one also turns out to be girl than it will be a problem.

Though they had feeling for their daughter they were not expressing the feeling. My wife did try to explain the mental condition of Sneha which she said that happens with every girl and that she will be alright later.

I was not happy with the answer. But what can I do? Any way Sneha was studying well and was turning slowly into cheerful girl in our company.

Than it happened one day. Her mother got transfer to Mumbai. So there was confusion at their home. So with numerous requests her father too got the transfer. And they will be taking away their daughter with them. That was very sad for me and my wife. She was our daughter but legally and biologically she belonged to her parents. I had no right to stop them from taking their daughter with them.

As the days were nearing for Sneha to go to Mumbai, she was becoming reserved again. She came to us often and cried. She told us that she does not want to go to Mumbai. I brought her nice dress and other gifts and gifted that to my daughter Sneha.

On the day when she went to Mumbai She did not come to our house. May be sadness had enveloped her.

Any way she had got admission in one nice school. Thereafter she used to call us everyday to tell us what her day was in school. And we always made time to talk to her because we were like her parents and also a friend.

We missed Sneha at every moment. After her call we would sit and discuss about the cute Sneha and how her parents were ruining her.

This went on for many months may be 6 month. Then suddenly we refused to get her daily call. We waited for 2 days….3 days….. Unable to stand the mystery I decided to call her. When I called her, the call was attended by her father. As soon as he heard my sound he started sobbing and told me in choked voice that Sneha is no more in this world…. She committed suicide by slashing her wrist in the bathroom.

What should I say?.... Though he was continuing to talk to me… I could not hear his voice. I was shocked… no words to talk…. Tears rolling by my eyes…. I have lost my own daughter…… I just fell down on my chair….. and started crying …….my wife rushed to my side and asked me what was the matter?  I just said Sneha committed suicide… she is no more…….. My wife couldn’t believe that….She embraced me and we cried …. Cried and cried….. How can she do that….?... She could have runaway from her home and come to us…..

Now it was also guilt for me… Now I started to think that I could have done lot of things to save her……But even I could not do……

Whom to blame…..Is it her fault that she was born as girl?.....Is it her parents fault for not being friend with her?....Or is it that god gave me an opportunity to save a girl and I just lost it…..

I recollect the last conversation had with her she told me that she was once again lonely in her life… I want to be like a free bird….. I want to enjoy my life…. I want to come out of the reserve ness….. I want to smile a lot… want to laugh for no reasons….. To which I had said… don’t worry everything will be alright….Please Don’t think so deep…… Yeah…. I do had tears in my eyes when I was talking to her that day……. I was just listening…… because she was talking and talking……. She had said she wanted to talk and doesn’t feel like stopping….. Now I understood… She had decided to move away from her parents permanently…… But I knew she was sad to leave me and my wife…………….

I would say however busy we are we should be friend to our children. They have lot of feelings… they want to share and know many things…. We should have time for them… I understand this is the reason why our children take up drugs and alcohol… we may think they fell into bad company without reason. Most of the times to get away from loneliness they make bad company……

The journey which Sneha started in life ended up unfinished……..

GOAN SHORT STORY- BOSS

Peter was studying in standard ninth when his mother expired. Peter’s father sebastiao commonly known as boss in the village was working on ship. Boss left his job after his wife expired and started a bar and restaurant in his wife Fatima’s name. He did so because he wanted to look after his only child, Peter, very well. Boss was happy go lucky chap. He closed his bar on Fridays so that he could spend his time with his friends. These friends have grown up with boss some studied in same class. The names of his closer friends were Francis, Nilkhant, Joe, Pedro, Lawrance, Vishnu and Reginaldo.

As life folds its paper everyday, peter passed out 10th with a first class and then studied very hard in 11th and 12th standard so that he too become famous chef as his father. Boss never forced his son to take up the trade boss wanted; he gave independence to his son in taking decisions regarding his profession. So as planned he joined the famous cookery teaching institute to become a chef. He put all his effort to get good marks for every exam.

Boss too was happy because he thought that now peter will help in his business as soon as he passed from his chef’s course. So he would boast about his bar saying that his bar will be the best in the village and many from different parts of Goa will come here.

But destiny was something different. After completion peter joined a five star hotel as trainee chef. This left boss unhappy because he wanted him to be part of his business. Now peter is grown up. He talks very less with father. He works in shifts so very rarely he was seen helping father in his bar. Things went on this way for two years and then peter got a job in USA. He was luckiest person to be selected by a business man from US. This business man was impressed with the taste of sea food what peter cooked. So this guy went to US back and sent peter a Visa so that he could work for his 4 star hotel. This is what peter was looking forward and this is not what boss had been thinking. Boss shared his grief with his friends. Everyone said to boss that he should let him go, see the world, when he feels the heat he would return back.

On their advice boss gave permission to peter to leave Goa. That was the day when boss really felt sad and lonely, He gave up his job for this son, he never thought about himself he just was eager that his son grow bigger and bigger. However now son is going far from him…

Peter used to call his father on week ends and boss would share his son’s news with his friends. After two years Peter came for Christmas to Goa. He brought top scotch whiskies for father and his friends. Everyone was happy that Peter returned. Father and son enjoyed every moment they could with his father’s friends. And during this period Boss told peter not to go again and help his business grow. This didn't strike well with peter. Peter told father that he is in love with US. He is earning very well and his sponsor was very nice to him. After heart breaking arguments, Boss agreed unwillingly to peters wish.

Now its almost four years passed that peter last came to Goa. Instead of calling father in weekends, he started calling monthly and  now he rarely calls. Then one fine night peter calls and shared his happy news with father, that he has become a father now…and that he had married his sponsors daughter a year ago….. Boss was dumbstruck. How could he do this?.....he could not sleep that day. Boss called his friends and everyone was with boss to share his grief… don’t know how many whisky they all consumed remembering peter.

His friends called back peter on his cell in US and conveyed that his father was angry… atleast he could have told father that he was going to get married. Actually peter was so sober person that any girl would fall for him. He was also very handsome. Now peter had got green card and was now permanent citizen of US.

When asked when peter would come he said that two months back his wife’s father (Owner of the hotel) died and that he is looking after the hotel. So it is difficult for him to come back…..

Years passed … one fine day boss expired. He suddenly collapsed when having drink with his friends. His friends rushed him to hospital but alas he was no more. Since he was brought dead, hospital authorities referred to police and that postmortem would be done. His friends were all upset….. Happy boss is no more.  They all couldn't bear the grief. Suddenly Vishnu reminded them of peter and every one tried calling peter. After about 3 – 4 hrs of constant calling peter attended the call and Vishnu himself conveyed the message and asked him to come down to which peter replied that he was very sad to hear the news and due to his busy schedule, he would not make himself present at his father’s funeral. Also peter told Vishnu that he will send the money for his father’s funeral.

This was the limit… all the friends together collected money and did the last rites and vowed that they will never ask money from Peter. Boss had loved him so much and atleast for the funeral he should have been here…. Till death boss had a wish of looking after his grandchildren,,,,, that too not happened…..

In the will written by Boss, all the properties will be transferred to his son peter’s name and till peter takes over the bar, it will be run by boss’ friends…..

Sometimes in the journey of life we never know to realize the priorities we just happen to forget the important things which may be small but a great deal for some loved ones….…

Goanz……….

SHADOW

Sitting today and reflecting back to my childhood days… I feel I have missed many things… what could have been more beautiful, had many loopholes. When I listen to old songs it reflects the happy life as a child with my whole family that excludes my wife and includes my father. With the little what we had we been happy….sometimes struggling to make up for a day…. Things were not so easy but still enjoyed the days.. Whenever I make mistake I got a spank to discipline me. The final exams when over the days were for us…. Playing only outdoor games… hide and seek, lobio, cricket, badminton, marble etc were our favorite games.

Missing those beautiful golden days with friends….we fought a lot and then next moment we are friends… as if nothing happened. Many times fight ended in tears but still patch up soon. When I compare adult life with childhood life it’s so disgusting. Some new friends gathered during the course of life are not at all flexible. Slightest misunderstanding leads him to keeping anger. Then plot to make one low in the society.

But then when maturity ripens, I just think and think to understand life. Why should I struggle in life to pop up with elite world? What happiness am I gaining in the day to day robotic routine life? The life revolves around only with family and colleagues who work with you. The golden old times have got no place. Even the ones who had been closer many years back don’t have any emotions left. I sometimes think that I am too much emotional person.

Money is like something close to god for many. To achieve the wealth one strives day to day… in the end you may gather enormous wealth but after death one will not take with them any single pie. Even you may not be referred by your name. Every one will refer that person to just a body. That is all you have earned in life. One may have achieved wealth and be rich in society but what is the use when this money has not helped you purchasing more time for life?

There are times when we fight with our parents for small petty things. When they grow old we don’t have time for them. But when they die our minds have deep feelings. After achieving so many things we could not have looked after them properly. When they are alive we give them account of how much we are spending for them. Like buying medicines, help them money wise so as to go on a pilgrimage etc… When they share their views and wishes it sometimes are headache for us. But when we wanted something they never had headache. But instead they work harder so that they could satisfy our needs.

But why am I writing these feelings which are popping inside me. Suddenly today I happened to hear very old songs that were favorite of my father. He worked hard in life and then one day became part of the god’s beloved one. When good times shadowed us, the shadow of my father disappeared

Goanz

THE TRUNK - (A SHORT STORY)

It was a long journey from rags to riches. I remember the day when I set my foot out of my house with my wife Kiran and daughter Kajal. My parents had more affinity towards my younger sibling and I being the eldest many a times sidelined. Still remember the day when I had a heated argument with my father and mother over expenditure. My father would not allow my younger brothers to spend more on the household expenditure. Almost all the household expenditure was borne my self. Towards the month end I would be left with nothing. 

Even I could not buy good dress for my Kajal and keep my small family happy. So I decided to leave the house when my father refused to accept that household expenditure was all borne by me.

 I along with my wife and kid moved to Mumbai and stayed with my chacha (Father’s brother) they did not have any Children and was very fond of me. When one door shuts the next door opens…. God never leaves anyone on road.

They had a small one bedroom Flat where we adjusted. I will give full marks to my wife for being very supportive through out the difficult times. Never groaned for what little luxury in life we had. Always encouraged me that one day we will have the best life.

My chacha had a very small shop of ready made garments. He was never interested in investing more and expanding business. Because he would say he earns enough for him and his wife. So I joined him and slowly the business started to grow. The business flourished well in another six years. We earned good money and started a new shop in Vashi. I solely managed the business at Vashi and when we were comfortably placed with our new shop we sold out the old shop and along with chacha we shifted our base to Vashi. I would say chacha as god since he helped me well. My father was arrogant and his own brother was so good. My chacha always said that my father was a very selfish man. By now our family also grew bigger. Kiran gave birth to our son, Krish.

One day I received a call saying that father expired. I along with chacha, Chachi and my kids went to our native place. But before reaching there the funeral was over. My mother was crying when she saw me and my kids it’s so many years passed I had met my mother. Though she would support my father in the arguments, I knew that she loved me somewhere in her heart.

After all the rituals I returned back to Mumbai and told mother that I did not want anything of the property or money. So it was shared among my brothers.

As time passed by from one shop we went on to buy one more big shop of two floors. One floor of the shop was exclusively for ladies and kids wear well managed by my wife and lower floor for gents.

In the coming years, I lost my chacha, then my mother and last my chachi. Now the life was only for us. Kiran and I had the best and special bond. Our children grew up in luxurious way. Every point of time we told them how the life was for us and how it changed.

My daughter went to UK as nurse and my son did business management and helped me in our business. Sooner it was time for my Kajal to get married. She married the man of her Choice. She married an Indian Christian, John. John’s family was very much liberal and there was no problem from their side. Even I and kiran did not oppose because it was kajal’s decision. She is now big enough to know what is right and what is wrong.

Then fine day Kiran left me alone in this world. She died of a heart attack. I lost the one half of my body. The woman who had known me so well, the woman who was part of my difficult phase left me alone when I needed her the most. I was almost touching sixty and all the plan of older age collapsed. I became alone.

Slowly I gave all my shop responsibly to my son and started living a secluded life. My son got married and purchased new flat. So he along with his wife was living separately.

When time came for partition of the wealth and property, my son and daughter came along with their spouses. I presented the shop to son and flat to daughter. But this was not enough also they did not agree about the partition. There were heated arguments saying each should get equal share and that I did not share things equally. I was completely a broken man. Wish my kiran was here with me…….

The things did not end here. They never agreed to the partition I provided them. They filed case in the court. The case went on and each hearing I would go to see how the advocates of each my son and daughter would argue.

In one of the arguments, my son and daughter had come to the court. There my daughter mentioned about one trunk. She said that I would everyday go to my bedroom and open a trunk. She said that the wealth in the trunk should be equally distributed among her and brother.

After hearing that I was shocked, that’s because the trunk was very special for me. The trunk can never be partitioned and I thought of fighting out for my trunk. However as the argument was so strong from daughter’s side that the court ordered the Trunk to be sealed and brought to the court and the wealth would be divided equally among them. I was crying aloud and shouting at top of the voice that this trunk is my wealth and no one had the right to touch it. However court said that its verdict on trunk should be respected. I was lost… Feeling very feeble…..longing to leave this earth… and be with my kiran………Kiran was so lucky…she never had to see these days…..

Next hearing was  bad for me because I had to part with my secret…part with my trunk…As expected after brief argument on trunk the judge ordered the trunk to be opened… atlast the trunk was opened and what was inside the trunk?... everyone was looking with great expectations…. The person opened the trunk and removed one by one all the ingredients… first some old snaps… some new snaps than some clothes…other than that nothing was inside… every one surprised…. Even my son and daughter…..nobody could say anything….. I slowly went upto the items and held the snaps in hand and explained…these are snaps of my parents and siblings….my wedding snap…..snaps of my kids growing…..some of the people who witnessed the incidence had wet eyes by now….

The pair of shirt and pant, the cotton sari and the small kid’s dress of my daughter were the only clothes we wore when we left my father’s house… …….The other ones are the clothes we worn for our wedding… my kurtha and my wife’s wedding sari….apart from this we never had anything to take from my father’s house……

Turning to Kajal I said… you two my own blood fighting for every wealth…. Do you know why I used to open this trunk everyday... I open this trunk everyday so that whenever I am growing big wealth wise, I should never forget the path which I came…. I wanted to ensure that I didn’t become rich automatically…. My condition was rags…. Then to riches… if you remember when your mother was there, we would both open the trunk together… and refresh our bad patch in life then I cried loudly without control…. And suddenly  I fell to the ground… gasping for air with deep pain in my chest…thats all I remember……..

By

GOANZ…..